Green and Blue All Over

March 26, 2005

*Repost from March 24, 2005*

4 days after my skiing accident, this was how my foot looked like. I find it a bit surprising because it wasn’t my foot that was injured. It was my knee. I guess I should’ve seen that coming for not using my crutches for only 3 days post-trauma. I was too eager to get rid of those coz they were a pain to use. My foot was edematous when I got home, as seen in the pic, and I had this massive bruise that doesn’t feel painful (thank God! coz the knee is already unbearable…). Today, it has already been 11 days since the accident, and I’m glad the swelling of the foot has started to subside. I’m still limping, though. =(

Ang Puno’t Dulo ng Pag-ibig

March 23, 2005

This is one of those must-read forwarded emails…   *author’s site: http://limbagan.blogdrive.com/archive/10.html* 

Nakakatawa talaga ang love. Isa siyang napakalaking oxymoron. Lahat ng pwede mong masabi sa kanya, baliktarin mo at totoo pa rin. Ang labo diba? Pero ang linaw.

Masaya magmahal. Malungkot magmahal. Di mo naiintindihan pero naiintindihan mo. Walang rason. Maraming rason. Di mo na kaya, pero kaya mo pa rin. Masakit magmahal. Pero okey lang. Leche, ano ba talaga?!

May kaibigan ako, sabi niya dati “Love is only for stupid people.” Nakakatawa kasi laude ang standing niya, pero dumating ang panahon, na-in-love din ang hunghang. At ayun, tanga na siya ngayon. Lahat kasi ng nahahawakan ng love nagiging oxymoron din. O kaya paminsan, nagiging moron lang.

Hindi lang kasi basta baliktaran ang pag-ibig. Lahat ng bagay nababaligtad din niya. Lahat ng malalakas na tao, humihina. Ang mayayabang, nagpapakumbaba. Ang mga walang pakialam, nagiging Mother Teresa. Ang mga henyo, nauubusan ng sagot. Ang malulungkot, sumasaya. Ang matitigas, lumalambot. (At tumitigas din ang mga bagay na madalas nama’y malambot.)

Nakakatawa talaga. Lalo na kapag dumadating siya sa mga taong ayaw na talaga magmahal. Napansin ko nga eh. Parang kung gusto mo lang ma-in-love ulit, sabihin mo lang ang magic words na “Ayoko na ma-inlove!” biglang WACHA! Ayan na siya. Nang-aasar. Magpapaasar ka naman. Di ba nakakatawa rin na pagdating sa problema ng ibang tao, ang galing galing mo? Pero ‘pag problema mo na yung pinag-uusapan parang nawawalan ng saysay lahat ng ipinayo mo dun sa namomroblemang tao? Naiisip mong wala namang mali dun sa mga sinabi mo. Pero bakit parang wala ring tama?

Bali-baliktad din ang nasasabi ng mga taong tinamaan ng madugong pana ng pag-ibig. “Ngayon ko lang nalaman ganito pala. Sabi ko na eh!” “Ang sarap mabuhay. Pwede na ‘ko mamatay. Now na!” At hindi lang ‘yon. Ang sarap din pagtawanan ng mga taong alam naman nilang masasaktan lang sila eh magpapatihulog pa rin sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Tapos ‘pag luray-luray na yung puso nila, siyempre hindi sila yung may kasalanan. Siya! “Bakit niya ‘ko sinaktan?” May kasama pang pagsuntok sa pader yon, at pagbabagsak ng pinto. Hayop talaga.

Mauubos ang buong magdamag ko kakasabi ng mga bagay na nakakatawa ‘pag pag-ibig na ang pinag-usapan. Ang daming beses ko na kasi siya nakasalubong kaya masasabi ko nang eksperto na ‘ko. Pero wala pa rin akong alam. Pero ang pinakanakakatawa sa lahat ay ang katotohanang kapag gusto magpatawa ng pag-ibig, ipusta na mo na lahat ng ari-arian mo dahil siguradong ikaw ang punchline.

Nakakatawa no? Nakakaiyak.

Love is Like Waiting for a Bus

March 20, 2005

This is one of the best forwards I received through email. I don’t know who the original writer is. Nonetheless, read on…

You know, love is just like someone waiting for a bus. When the bus comes, you look at it and you say to yourself, “Eeee…so full….cannot sit down. I’ll wait for the next one”. So you let the bus go and waited for the second bus. Then the second bus came. As you looked at it you say, “This bus is so old…so shabby!” So you let the bus go and again, decided to wait for the next bus.

After a while another bus came. It’s not crowded, not old, but you said, “Eeee… not air-conditioned …better wait for the next one”. So again you let the bus go and decided to wait for the next bus. Then the sky started to get dark as it is getting late. You panicked and jumped immediately inside the next bus. It is not until much later that you found out that you had boarded the wrong bus! So you wasted your time and money waiting for what you want! Even if an air-conditioned bus comes, you can’t ensure that the air-conditioned bus won’t break down or whether or not the air-conditioner will be too cold for you. Wanting to get what you want is not wrong, but it wouldn’t hurt to give other people a chance, right? If you find that the “bus” doesn’t suit you, just press the red button and get off the bus! (as simple as that!)

Hey who said life is fair??? The best thing to do is be observant and open while you scrutinize the bus. If it doesn’t suit you, get off. But you must always have an extra something which you could use for the next bus that comes. But wait… I’m sure you have this experience before. You saw a bus coming (the bus you want, of course) you flagged it but the driver acted as if he did not see you and zoomed pass you! It just wasn’t meant for you.

The bottom line is, being loved is like waiting for a bus you want. Getting on the bus and appreciating the bus by giving it a chance depends totally on you. If you haven’t made any choice, WALK! Walking is like being out of love. The good side of it is you can still choose any bus you want… the rest who couldn’t afford another ride would just have to be content with the bus they rode on, ugly or not.

One more thing…. sometimes it is better to choose a bus you are already familiar with rather than gamble with a bus that is unfamiliar to you. But then again, life wouldn’t be complete without the risks involved. But there’s one bus that i forgot to tell you about – the bus that you don’t have to wait for. It will just stop on its own and will ask you to come inside and take a free ride for the rest of your life…

I received some really interesting comments regarding this email. One of them states how unfair it is to just press the stop button whenever you don’t feel like riding that bus. It is not that easy to break a relationship and leave the person behind, just because you did not like to be in the relationship anymore. It is not as simple as that in reality.

Another comment gave a hypothetical situation where you liked a bus, took a ride, and while in that bus, the one u wanted came at last, but you were already in a bus. What should you do then? Should you press stop right away, get off the bus, and try to get on the one you wanted originally? But what if the current bus that you are in is as good as the one you wanted? (not a lot of people, air-conditioned, new bus)

Likewise, what if the bus that you wanted and zoomed past you came back, while you were about to get in the bus that stopped when you flagged it? Which bus would you ride? 

What if there were 2 buses that came along at the same time, and both were in good condition… which would you choose?

Makes you think, eh?

As for me, I’m just enjoying the ride… for now.

No, the Tequila is not to Blame

March 16, 2005

Para sa isang kaibigan na nangangailangan ng isang matinding untog… At para sa mga
lalaking kahit may Girlfriend na ay nakukuha pang manlandi sa ibang babae. (maraming matatamaan dito)

* retrieved from my email * author unknown *
============
 

The day after Valentine’s, you found yourself inside the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet bowl, and throwing up everything inside you. Wala na nga lumalabas, suka ka pa rin ng suka. Kulang na lang, iluwa mo na rin pati bituka mo. Gusto mo na nga himatayin eh. Buti nga sa iyo. Kung makainom ka kasi kagabi, akala mo katapusan na ng mundo.
 
How many shots of tequila have you had last night? 19? 20? You couldn’t remember. You lost count after your 12th. Ayan, sige, sumuka ka pa. Masakit na ba ulo mo? Masakit na ba tuhod mo? Kanina ka pa nakaluhod diyan ah. And now you’re  swearing never to drink again… Hay naku, ilang beses ka na ba sumumpang hindi na iinom?

Bakit ka ba kasi nagpakalasing? Ano ba meron kahapon? Valentine’s Day lang naman ah! And, like the previous Valentines, you spent it with your friends… Sanay ka na. Lagi namang ganoon, di ba?

Umpisa pa lang ng Valentine’s week, you tried not to be affected with the mush around you. And you succeeded. Kapag may nagtanong sa iyo kung anong gagawin mo sa Valentine’s, you managed to get out of it without sounding pathetic dahil barkada mo na naman ang kasama mo. Eh, ano masama doon?

Pero mukhang nakasama yata sa iyo ang Valentine’s night out with your friends. Binuhos mo lahat ng frustrations mo sa beer at alak. Ginagawa mong tubig ang SMB at ni hindi ka na nagle-lemon sa tequila mo. Kung makainom ka, akala mo isang dekada kang na-deprive ng alcohol. Kaya ayan…

Last night, you got drunk and did something really stupid: you flirted with him.

He was a certified asshole. It was also Valentine’s when he started flirting with you. Kung hindi ba naman siya asshole talaga eh nasa kusina lang ang girlfriend niya noon, nagpi-prito ng cheese sticks na pulutan niyo. But you were sensible then to ignore his dalliance. Eh paano, may iba kang boylet noon. Kaya kahit na he was coming on to you, dedma ka lang.

But that summer, you and your boylet drifted apart. And his girlfriend was busy reviewing for her board exam. It started with one forwarded text message that he sent. The next thing you knew, you were always on the phone with him.

He was extra nice to you. He’d call you every night to ask you how your day was. He gave you chocolates and cookies. He even gave you a CD compilation of all your favorite songs that he himself burned. During your gimiks, he would hold you close or put his arms around you. Ano ba kayo? You never bothered asking. Basta, you enjoyed what was happening. You enjoyed the attention he was giving you.

You were stupid to believe that what you had was something special! You seemed to forget that he had a girlfriend. The GF was busy and she had no time for him. But you weren’t busy. And you were always available. So you became the surrogate GF. Substitute lang kasi whenever she was around, on the side ka na lang. Kapag wala siyang text sa iyo, iisa lang ang ibig sabihin noon. He was with his girlfriend.

Pero okay lang sa iyo. You were already in love with him. And you wanted to believe that he felt the same for you, too. Although he never told you he loved you, you convinced yourself that his actions said it all. So you patiently waited for your turn. Gaga ka talaga. Nagtitiyaga ka na lang sa tira-tira.

Medyo natauhan ka naman noon so you stopped replying to his text messages. And you started to decline his invitations to go out. To forget him, you found yourself another boylet. You went out on a date with other guys. Pero bakit ganoon? Kahit na iba kasama mo, naiisip mo pa rin siya? You kept on remembering the times he held you tight in Tagaytay, the inuman sessions you had in Malate, the movies that you watched, the phone conversations that lasted for hours.

It was in August when you heard the news from a friend. Break na sila ng GF niya. You wanted to rejoice. Parang gusto mong lumabas at ilibre ng beer ang lahat ng tambay sa kanto. But wait, may pahabol na balita. Kaya pala sila nag-break ay dahil
may bago siyang GF. Oo, GF! Bago. Na-meet niya sa party. Damn, ang sakit noon! Imagine, ang tagal mo naghintay, tapos, hindi rin pala ikaw?

You realized na asshole talaga siya. Na pinaglalaruan ka lang niya. Kung talagang mahal ka niya, bakit iba ang pinili niya noong nag-break sila ng GF niya? Bakit hindi ikaw?

You cried for a week. And then you called all your friends and recounted everything that happened between you and him. Kahit iyong mga high school friends mo na ang tagal mong hindi nakausap, tinawagan mo para lang magkuwento. That was your way of coping with the pain. That was your worst heartache.

There were days when all you could do was stare at the blinking cursor of your computer for hours. You couldn’t work because all you could think of was how foolish you had been. Sinisisi mo sarili mo dahil nagpauto ka lang sa kanya. Pero tapos na yun. His episode in your life was over. And you wanted to move on…

After the acceptance stage is the avoidance. Nag-disappearing act ka sa buhay niya since then. You were always out, asleep, or busy whenever he’d call. You always had an excuse kapag niyayaya ka ng mga barkada mo sa gimik kung saan alam mong makikita mo siya. You severed ties not only with him, but also with the people who reminded you of him.
When you received a text message from his barkada, inviting you to a Valentine gimik, pinag-isipan mong mabuti. You thought it’s time to finally see him again. Feeling mo kasi, okay ka na. Feeling mo, you could face him again. Feeling mo, you have moved on and forgotten him. Ang tagal niyo na hindi nagkita, you were hoping na okay ka na. Na wala na talaga.

Wala na nga ba?

Last night, you saw him again. Walang nagbago. Medyo tumaba siya pero charming pa rin siya. At first, nagkakailangan kayo. Pero habang lumalalim ang gabi, unti-unting bumalik ang dating siya. At ang dating ikaw.

And then you started swigging one tequila shot after another.

Teka… alam ko na why you were drinking heavily last night. You wanted to get drunk. Yes, you did it on purpose. Because you wanted to have an excuse for the foolishness you’d be doing later.

A few months ago, you were cursing him. Kulang na lang, ipabugbog mo siya sa mga pinsan mong maton. Lahat na yata ng mura, nagamit mo na sa kanya. You vowed never to be swayed by him again.

But last night was different. You were willing to rekindle whatever happened between you and him before. You were willing to forget all the things he did and start on a clean slate. You were doing things you shouldn’t have done.

You knew your friends would go ballistic kapag nalaman nila ang ginawa mo. And you thought you could get away with it by saying, “I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing.” You wanted to blame the tequila for the foolishness you did.

When you woke up around noon, you had a splitting headache and an upset stomach. And the things you said and did the night before came crashing like scenes in the movie. Parang flashback. And you wanted to kick yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable with him again. Because you realized that you still loved him…

The day after Valentine’s, you found yourself inside the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet bowl, and throwing up everything inside you. It was your way of cleansing, of getting rid of him for good. Pero kahit na anong suka pa ang gawin mo,
hindi mo siya maaalis sa sistema mo… hindi muna.

Pero okay lang iyan. Don’t hate yourself just because you still love him. Sabi nila, you can’t control your emotions. But it’s what you do with your emotions that matters. Okay lang na i-acknowledge na may feelings ka pa sa kanya, as long as alam mo na hindi dapat. At tanggap mo na mali. One day, magigising ka na lang at mare-realize mo na you are completely over him. Habang hindi pa dumarating ang araw na iyun, lumayo ka na lang muna sa tequila.